L'ART DE VIVRE: October 2013

When my daughter was six months old I wasn't sleeping... at all. Not because she would keep me up, she slept through the night at one month. I remember laying in my bed, hearing my husband breathe heavily in his deep sleep, all sort of thoughts coming to my mind. I thought about all these meaningless things I had to do the next day, which I knew I wouldn't come around getting any of them done since I would probably sleep all through the day. At the time I didn't know what was wrong with me, but two months later I was diagnosed with late post-partum depression. I'd heard about the Brooke Shield vs. Tom Cruise debacle a couple of years before but I never paid too much attention because in my mind and in my heart, I hoped; this would never happen to me.

I don't remember being sad so much as I do recall the guilt that invaded every cell in my body. I wasn't getting any better, but guilt made me put up my best impression of happy everyday. Then night came again and my mind began to drift away to those very sad places I pretended didn't exist and refused to acknowledge it was where I was spending a good part of my life.

See, if sadness wasn't going to eat me away, guilt was. I had everything a young healthy woman my age could wish for. A loving husband, a gorgeous home, and the most beautiful, well-behaved, healthy newborn baby girl. How could I not be happy? How could I allow myself these sad, self-destructive thoughts? How could I not be ecstatic about my recent motherhood? Why was I always tired? Why didn't I ever feel up to doing anything for that matter? Why was anxious and irritable all the time? Why was I constantly snapping at everyone?

All these behavioural patterns soon began to take a toll on my physical health. One morning I woke up and my head wouldn't stop hurting for the next five months. The irregular sleep patterns continued escalating, until there were mornings I would finally fall asleep to the sun rising and early birds chirping.

I finally decided to get the help I needed, probably for the wrong reasons, but that doesn't matter today. What's important is that I did. First I decided to talk to my husband about my thoughts and feelings, unsure if he would understand; luckily he did. From there on, everything would slowly fall into place. I hadn't realized how important it was to talk about your feelings, your dreams, your frustrations; to just talk. I embarked on a five-year long research period and have since read every self-help book that has landed on my hands, learnt breathing exercises, logged on to every inspirational blog and subscribed to every motivational site out there. I still have good days and bad ones. Trying to summarize these past five years in one paragraph and pretending it was so easy peasy as I make it sound would not only be wrong and impossible but hypocritical of myself. I can however assure you I have never dwelled on my own misery alone again, and I'm now comfortable enough to openly talk about this struggle and how, with the help of my loved ones, and unimaginable doses of willpower; managed to overcome victoriously...one day at a time.

There is a point in all this, trust me and I am getting to it. Starting a Happiness Series Post talking about depression? Where else would I start if not from the very rock bottom?

A few weeks ago I was reminded of a book by Gretchen Rubin, called The Happiness Project, by my friend Maru, who I've written about before on LADV, and fondly admire her way of living, loving and parenting. I read this book a couple of years ago, and remembered how excited I got when I was first introduced to the idea of building my own Happiness Project following Rubin's model (though she warns from the very beginning one's project will be very different from another's depending on our situation, values and interests). Rubin's stages though, are a perfect guide to follow. I truly thought I was on my way to changing myself and for a moment, it crossed my mind; the world. I felt empowered. But I must admit that as much of whatever I set my mind on, this excitement lasted a couple of months and the enthusiasm soon faded. With each day, I failed to live up to my resolutions I had come up with at the beginning of my project. Before I knew it I was back in my routine, minding only the apparently big stuff, and leaving out of my project the small joys of life, which at the end of the day make up the big picture.

We are after all in the constant pursuit of this subjective, ever changing, apparently unachievable concept we are sold from our early years in this world, yet rarely do we stop to try and define what it is that truly makes us happy, until most of the times, it's too late. Writing for instance makes me happy. This blog by itself has done more for me than every doctor visited and therapy I've ever had. Why didn't I do more of what made me happy? The big things and the little ones. I figured it was mostly because I rarely took the time to identify them and hence cultivate them.

Someone very close to my heart had a recent health scare, which got me thinking. Life is but a minute. It really is. And for those who think you've got time to do that thing you've always wanted to do, live that dream, take that trip, start all over, end that thing, love that someone, be happy; you're already late... A second is all it takes. This is why I've decided to resume my very own Happiness Project.

Introducing The Happiness Series

This is a week long series dedicated to defining and finding what makes ME truly happy and doing more of it. It is also an open invitation for you to join me in this preparation stage as Rubin calls it, in trying to identify what makes YOU happy, what brings YOU joy. Please share: what makes YOU smile? and whatever it is, for the sake of happiness; DO MORE OF IT!!!

Everyday I will be posting the big and small stuff that makes me HAPPY. I encourage you to join me in this journey and share what takes YOU to your own Happy Place.

The Happiness Series is inspired by my conversations with my friend Maru (My husband recently told me you don't make good friends at this point in your life; I'd like to prove him wrong! ) and Rubin's The Happiness Project.

BEGIN YOUR OWN HAPPINESS PROJECT - CLICK HERE TO BUY ON AMAZON.COM

I am currently on Rubin's book HAPPIER AT HOME. I'll keep you posted on this one as I read further on. I recommend you visit WWW.GRETCHENRUBIN.COM and GET STARTED on your own Happiness Project. I suggest you sign up for the "Moment of Happiness", a daily happiness quotation right in your inbox. You can also sign up for one or all of the new four 21 DAY HAPPINESS PROJECTS.

Illustration by Tim Sheaffer
Carolina Herrera holding her Pup, Inspiration for her Gaspar Bag Collection

I don't regularly blog about specific brands...but this is a launch I can't deny I'm ecstatic about: CH Carolina Herrera, of course. Whenever I think of this brand and the designer herself, otherwise known as Fashion's First Lady, images of timeless elegance, effortless femininity and sophistication come to mind. Not to mention, nobody wears a white crisp shirt like this true fashion icon! A favorite to Hollywood Stars such as Renée Zellweger, her Haute Couture gowns and accessories are regulars on the finest red carpets around the globe.

Her lifestyle, ready to wear, and accesories label and fragrances can be found in more than 100 countries and continues to expand around the world. Luckily it is now El Salvador's turn to welcome this International Fashion Power House right at the heart of Multiplaza Mall.

If there is something I am obsessed with this season, it's gold, tassels and pink. From wearing them right around my neck in tassel necklaces, to gorgeous bag details and tassel earrings, to allover pink. Here's a sneak peek of some of my CH favorites for this season...