I sometimes watch a TV show featuring the world's toughest jobs. This got me thinking and conducting a small, very unprofessional research of my own, during which I came across a number of publications ranking the toughest jobs, the dirtiest jobs, and the most stressful jobs. From sales, accounting, IT, teaching, to, ready for this?...Owl vomit collecting (I'm not kidding on this one), you could find pretty much every job on the planet. Yet not ONE of these multiple rankings, included what for me is, the ultimate toughest job of all: Parenting.
Let's face it. Parenting is a blessing, but it can be as rewarding as exhausting. I constantly find myself asking two questions: 1. Is my kid happy? and the hardest and most recurring one: 2. Am I doing it right? With time I've understood these are not necessarily related. The first one is a question of 'yes' or 'no' answer, while the second one however has no definite answer. There will be good days and bad days, ups and downs, happy days and sad days, smiles and tears, victories and failures; I will make mistakes. These however will and should never define me as a parent, much less a good or a bad one. This definitely won't define my kid. I've heard the expression before on how children should come a with a handbook, but wouldn't this take all the fun out of it???
I can't tell you s#*t about parenting. I began brushing my daughter's teeth at two years old, because I never thought about it. One day I asked a friend if she brushed her daughter's teeth already and said she'd been doing it since her first teeth began to show. I felt like such a terrible parent. For a week or so, I brushed her teeth four to five times a day, as if trying to make up for all the months I hadn't done it before. One day my husband told me I had to stop beating myself over a simple mistake any new mother could have made. He made me take a good long look at her, there she was, happy and healthy, beautiful smile and all...That was one of the many memorable mistakes I've made. And boy have there been many more!!!
It's good to have someone to talk with about these parenting tricks and tips, but the first piece of advice I could probably give you that I've learnt the hard way is never compare your parenting experience or style to anyone's you know or read about. The truth is, when it comes to parenting nothing is set in stone. The second piece of advice is to buckle up and enjoy the ride!
In my trying to figure out this whole motherhood/parenting thing, I've come across a number of books and guides, all written by real mothers trying to figure the whole thing out, day by day. My all time favorite is Pamela Druckerman's (An american journalist living and parenting in Paris) journey to discover the wisdom of french parenting. I myself recently witnessed there is something, somehow the French are doing right. On a recent trip to Paris, every meal for my then four year old consisted on a side of frites. I remember the horrored look on each and every waiter that took our meal orders for more than a month. At first I made nothing of it. Then, with each outing it began to hit me. I can say I don't recall any children in all the restaurants we visited having a cheeseburger, fries, chicken fingers or anything along these lines. Or any mothers for that matter, trying to shove a piece of anything down their throat, while simultaneously wrestling them in order to manage sitting them down. In fact, most menus didn't even have kid's options. Food was food. For grown ups and children, the only difference if any would rely in portion size... and parents actually seemed to be enjoying a meal out; even with their youngest.
Her recount of parenting in France is not only accurate but hilarious. French Mothers are not obsessed with reading pregnancy, birthing, or parenting guides (ahem...), and children are surprisingly joyful, well behaved, and in control of their attitudes, behaviour and emotions. Not to mention they'll eat whatever is on their plate. Druckerman explains "there's something about the way the French parent that makes it less of a grind and more of a pleasure". Druckerman's work of investigative parenting is built on the premise that "to be a different kind of parent, you don't just need a different parenting philosophy. You need need a very different view of what a child actually is". See, most of the time we begin in the wrong end, trying to figure out what a parent is and should be, forgetting it is not actually about us, but it really all is about the child.
Druckerman had me at this line which I'll now leave you with, which basically summarizes everything I aspire to as a parent, and will hopefully be enough for you to download away!: "The French have managed to be involved without becoming obsessive. They assume that even good parents aren't at the constant service of their children, and that there's no need to feel guilty about this".
I highly recommend reading Druckerman's full work. However, if you are too busy...parenting... I was recently introduced by one of my favorite new Mommies to BEBE DAY BY DAY also by Druckerman. It's basically the lowdown on her complete investigative works on French Parenting. It's the witty, mostly common sense, easy-to-read guide of the keys and lessons of bringing up gourmet babies without losing your calm parenting ways, with special emphasis on saying non the right way. Druckerman's cherry on top is a list of her favorite recipes from the Parisian creche (day cares); I suggest you keep this one handy!
If you loved these titles, you might want to check out the following:
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XO
Dear Marcela - I love this! Thank you for your candor, wit and great information. I have to admit I haven't yet read "Bringing Up Bebe," but a good friend explained to me the "courses" concept of eating, which I've been using to great success ever since! My kids now eat at mealtimes, don't want to snack all the time, and they definitely eat their veggies. I look forward to hearing more about your parenting journey! Vive la Maman!
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Dear Shanno, Thank You for sharing and joining me in this journey. You might like previous related posts on L'Art de Vivre, so please do check them out! XO
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